Author and educator Finnian Burnett talks about why self-care matters and how writers can practice it.
▬
Visit Finnian's website:
https://finnburnett.com/
Check out Finnian's blog:
https://finallyfinnian.com/
Find Finnian on social media:
https://twitter.com/FinnianBurnett
https://www.linkedin.com/in/finnburnett/
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61553933342836
Author and educator Finnian Burnett talks about why self-care matters and how writers can practice it.
▬
Visit Finnian's website:
https://finnburnett.com/
Check out Finnian's blog:
https://finallyfinnian.com/
Find Finnian on social media:
https://twitter.com/FinnianBurnett
https://www.linkedin.com/in/finnburnett/
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61553933342836
Jennia: Hello, I'm Jennia D'Lima. Welcome to Writing and Editing, the podcast for people who write, edit, read, or listen. Today's topic is self-care for writers, and author, educator, and presenter Finnian Burnett will be joining the conversation as we talk about why it matters and how to practice it.
Jennia: Thank you for coming to the show! And first, you want to be called Finnian or Finn?
Finnian: Both work. Finnian is my full name, but most people naturally slip into calling me Finn, and I feel like a Finn, so that definitely works for me.
Jennia: I can see that. Yeah, Finn does feel easy to say (laughs). It just feels right.
Finnian: It does. So thank you so much for having me here. I'm super excited to talk about self-care for writers because I'm really good at giving advice to my students about how to give themselves self-care, and I'm really bad at taking that advice for myself. So I'm hoping that in us having this conversation, I'll actually walk away super inspired to up my self-care game.
Jennia: Oh, good! Yeah, that would be a desirable outcome. I can see how uh, that might be some good motivation. So when did you first become interested in self-care for writers? Or even how did you realize it was something that was necessary?
Finnian: I wrote my first novel back in 2009, and I was an older writer—I was 39 when I wrote my first novel. And I just got so excited about the idea of writing that I put my head down and went completely into writing all day, every day. Every moment that I wasn't working, I was writing. And I just—it was like being addicted to drugs or something. I was just—it became my entire life, to the detriment of relationships and socializing and going for walks and going to parties. I mean, I just didn't do anything but write. And I realized that if I were to sustain a writing career, I would have to find a way to balance the way that I approached writing. And that was even before the idea of rejections and, you know, trying to find ways to get my work out there and dealing with my emotional self-care. That was just the physical. So I became interested right after writing my first novel.
Jennia: Did you quickly find out that other writers were going through the same sort of scheduling when it came to their writing? Or how long did it take you to see that this wasn't just something specific to you and your writing habits?
Finnian: I think writing community—if I could give any advice to emerging writers, then finding a writing community would be number one priority, because I didn't have what I would consider a writing community for several years.
Jennia: Mm.
Finnian: And once I found one and started talking to other writers, I realized how many of us have the same challenges. So, you know, when I found out that other people struggle with self-doubt, and imposter syndrome, and getting the words out, and writing through those times when you feel like you're writing through quicksand and everything you write is wooden, and the ever ongoing, career-long challenge of your skill level never being as good as your taste level. Because even as you get better and better at writing, your taste gets higher and higher, and you want to write better and better. So finding out that everyone experiences some level of that was eye opening.
Jennia: Ah, I can see that. I'm glad that you brought that up about our taste level changing also. And I think that's something that's really common with imposter syndrome. It's because we do know what really great work looks like. And so, of course, we're using that as our, you know, barometer for where we should be also measuring up. It's sort of like when you just join a painting class and you think, well, I'm not a Rembrandt, so why bother?
Finnian: Yeah, you would never pick up the violin and then be mad at yourself because you couldn't play a song the moment you picked it up. You play scales, and you learn how to play "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." (both laugh)
Jennia: Yes, and "Pop Goes the Weasel."
Finnian: Yes, exactly! And you just keep practicing.
Jennia: Yeah. That's such good advice. And I think that's hard too, for people to realize that practice really is going to help a lot with writing. But then I think that also leads into the whole need for self-care because if you have that knowledge, that practice is going to help you. But then you're spending 12 hours a day doing it. Well, how then do you find that balance?
Finnian: I just finished a session of creativity coaching with an author named Audrey Niven, who I was just writing about her for my newsletter, in fact, because she's really compassionate and nurturing, but also doesn't take any of our bs, you know, excuses, and it's helpful to have somebody help me look at that. But I do think that you can find that balance, that it's important to know that you can sit down for five minutes and write and you're still okay. I've figured out that if I want to have a first draft of the novel that I'm currently working on by October, when I go to a big literary conference, I only have to write 250 words a day for five days a week, and that's ten minutes of writing. So if I could just sit down and work on that for ten minutes a day or 20 minutes a day—I sit on the couch staring into space, pre-coffee for 20 minutes a day. Why can't I put that into my writing?
Jennia: How many dog reels do I watch in a day? Hmm... (laughs)
Finnian: Exactly! (laughs)
Jennia: Yeah! So is that one of the steps that you then include when you're coaching people on how to practice self-care, is to break it down into manageable time pieces each day?
Finnian: Absolutely. I try to help people find what works for them. I have some—some of my students work really well with word count restraints. So they're like, "I'm going to write 1000 words a day, five days a week," and that really works for them. Some people can't do that. Some people don't have it in them to write every single day. And by telling writers, "If you're not writing every single day, you're not a real writer," we're doing them a disservice because some people, I mean, they have children and they have elderly parents they're taking care of and huge stressful jobs, and we have to find ways to kind of recharge that soul energy. I have a friend who's in a very high stress job. I'm not in a high stress job. I work a lot and I'm super busy, but I don't ever have people being mean to me or yelling at me or calling me names. And then I have a friend who works probably the same hours as I do, but they're constantly being berated. I think that I find it easier to find time to write because my soul energy isn't constantly being drained through the day. So someone like that, that's in a job where they are having their soul energy drained, they have to find other ways to recharge themselves before they can put their soul into their writing, if that makes sense.
Jennia: Mhm. No, it definitely makes sense because anything that exerts any amount of energy from us is going to take from that overall tank. And then once it's depleted for the day, it's just depleted. So then if you're saying you need to do this job that is mentally difficult or emotionally difficult, and then also go home and write for an hour, or, like you were saying, "You are not a writer," then yeah, that is going to just be another little chip off their self-esteem telling them that you can't do this.
Finnian: Exactly! And shame doesn't ever work. If it did, we would all be perfect people by now because we've been shaming ourselves our entire lives on various things.
Jennia: Oh my gosh, that's so good! (both laugh) Everyone, that's a great reminder. Stop shaming yourself. You know it doesn't work.
Finnian: It doesn't work. It doesn't ever work. I love the concept of nurturing our creativity. And so when I think of nurturing, like, you're nurturing a pet or you're nurturing a child, that it doesn't just mean letting them have everything, but it also doesn't mean coming down on them and shaming them. It's this balance between compassion but also pushing their boundaries, and a balance between patience but also striving. And so, for me, I like to think of nurturing my creativity as being gentle with myself emotionally, but also not letting my fear keep me from trying new things.
Jennia: Oh that's good. What are some ways that you do nurture your creativity or that you recommend others try?
Finnian: I love the concept of free writing, and I have two passages that I use, and one is, "What if I explored and then just use that as a first sentence and sit down with morning journals? And what if I explored and then think about whatever topic I want to think about?" Another one is, "I don't want to write about blank because blank."
Jennia: Ahhh.
Finnian: So if I have something that might be blocking me, especially right now, I'm working on a novel, that it's a fictional novel, but it's very wrapped up in some of my own triggers and traumas. And so when I sit down to write it, I often feel blocked because I don't want to reach into those hard spaces. So if I start with a morning exercise of "I don't want to write about blank, because blank," I can usually unblock a little bit.
Jennia: That's a really good one. I don't think I've ever even heard that advice before. But it makes sense, not even for the parts that might be emotionally difficult for us, but even research, because I see that happening too, where writers will get hung up on a section because, well, "I don't know what dairy prices were like in 1825 in New England," or maybe on a part of their world building, "I'm not really sure what type of economy I want them to have." And so then they just get hung up, and they come into a stop, and sometimes they don't resume because they've let that block just take over.
Finnian: Yeah. Research is—I've gotten to the point where I just highlight a passage, and I'll just put in parentheses something about a neighborhood in London, and then, boom, highlight it. Keep writing, knowing I will have to go back. But that can all be done in rewrites.
Jennia: Yeah, that's a good tactic! I hope more people adopt that after hearing this, because I can see that just being the quick little around, you know, you still have that story in you. You still know what the next plot piece is. You're eager to get to it. Just do it then.
Finnian: Yeah, absolutely. And I have to give credit for that, "I don't want to write about blank" because I took a writer's block workshop from JM Landels, who owns the Canadian icon magazine Pulp Literature, which is one of my favorite magazines, and she had us do that as an exercise, and boom, just so much came out. I think I probably wrote 2000 words in this little, you know, ten minute workshop. And so I use that almost every day now.
Jennia: And does it always help, or are there times when you need to employ another tactic in addition to that one?
Finnian: I think that having an arsenal of self-care tricks is a good idea. Like, I love to spend a lot of time walking outside, and I love to have—like, if you have a trusted friend who loves hearing about your work, having somebody say, "Well, what's going on with your work?" It helps if that person's a writer, because to me, a lot of times, somebody who isn't a writer, if they say, "Oh, how's your novel coming?" It just feels like, "You know what? You don't understand. It's not coming. I don't want to talk about it." Whereas if you talk to another writer and they ask, "How's your novel coming?" They're coming from a place of also struggling with their novels.
Jennia: Yeah, that deep understanding. Exactly. I have a lot of the—I'm an editor, so a lot of the authors that I work with, we're on a closer relationship, maybe even we're friends.
Finnian: Right.
Jennia: So it might be something like, "I'm going to message you, because—" (laughs)
Finnian: Yes (laughs), we're sensitive sorts. That's why we're writers.
Jennia: Yes, I think that is so true. Because we have to be sensitive in order to pick up on all of these different discrepancies, even in human behavior that come up in our novels. But that also, I think, is important to realize for self-care and knowing that because we're sensitive, we are going to have these needs and that they need to be addressed and handled appropriately.
Finnian: I 100 percent agree. One of the things I recommend a lot, and this is something I have started doing myself, is writing something that's silly or playful, especially if you're working on a really deep novel or a hard creative nonfiction piece, to just allow yourself, even if it's just a day, to sit and write a short story about a person in rodeo clown school or, you know, somebody just—
Jennia: I'd read that! (both laugh)
Finnian: Yeah, I know, right? I'm like, "I should write that now." But just ways to kind of play with form and play with humor. Because when you're writing something that isn't for a contest, isn't for a submission, isn't for a deadline, and you're setting out to be playful, you never know, first of all, what you might learn about form and craft, but also it gives you that kind of delight in writing that sometimes we forget when we're slogging.
Jennia: Yeah. Especially, like you said, with deadlines. That very naturally leads into one of the questions I had, which was, why are some of these self-care measures different for writers than they are for people who aren't writers? And I think that deadlines is a really important one, because when we think about creativity a lot of time, especially as it's been idolized in media, you know, we see the writers sitting and they have this dreamy look on their face, and the words are just coming effortlessly. Or even painting, you know, they're outside in a beautiful field, and there's wildflowers everywhere surrounding them, same dreamy look. Watercolors are just blending beautifully. And it's not like that.
Finnian: No, it's not. And I think that the creative arts, we have—it's far more personal. I spent many years working in corporate payroll, and I never felt that, "Oh, this is a reflection on my own inner worth or my emotional state" when I write this tax report. So you have that it's—everything that you kind of put out writing wise is personal and it comes from your heart. But beyond that, I don't know of any other career that has so much room for rejection. Like, I never submitted tax reports in corporate payroll, and people were like, "Well, I'm not going to take this tax report because I have this one that's so much better." (both laugh)
Jennia: Right? 99 percent rejection rate.
Finnian: Exactly! So it's definitely something to balance and to think about.
Jennia: That's a good one, because I think that is part of it too. You were talking earlier about the self-care even before you reach the point of getting these rejections. that's just this whole onslaught of, "You better brace yourself," because I don't think most people like to be rejected. I won't say no one, because there's always that person who's okay with it. But, yeah, that's something too. So do you suggest that people do something ahead of even sending out their first query letter or maybe some other method that they can use so that they have a realistic viewpoint of what it might be like, just so these expectations are realistic?
Finnian: I definitely have so many thoughts on rejection. First of all, if you're on any kind of social media, where you're following other writers, a lot of people will post about their rejections, which I find really helpful. There is a writer I very much admire, a flash fiction writer who's a coach and who has won awards. And he posted something that he had had like 200 rejections in a row without having a publication. And he was sad, and he was allowed to be sad about that. But for someone like me, who is looking at this person that I admire and uphold, as someone I aspire to write like this—
Jennia: Mhm.
Finnian: —it was eye opening that how subjective rejection can be, that I would have published any of his stories that ultimately found homes and he just didn't find the right people to publish them. So subjectivity is so important. I've now judged for contests a lot, and I think about it a lot, that I get this short list from the team of editors, and then I have to pick the winner. And that's subject to my taste. What appealed to me, it's not that any of those stories weren't great. Even I have to debate with myself over which one I think deserves to win. So it's not a reflection on your talent, it's 100 percent what the judge is thinking at the time, or what the panel of readers are thinking at the time. And sometimes it's just that that person doesn't get your writing, or they're just more attracted to this story for some reason, or, you know, one of their exes' name is the main character in your story (Jennia laughs), and it brought up triggers, and you just never know what someone's thinking when they read your story. So the subjectivity part is a big one. I also think exposure is a big one. I did a challenge for the Federation of BC Writers—I did an article for them on my year of 100 rejections, and I actually sent out to just get 100 rejections in a year. And it was an incredible experience. It definitely taught me that, first of all, we talked about the subjectivity, but also just that the more you send out, the more you kind of change your relationship with that rejection. It became almost like a game that, "Oh well, I got a rejection for this one, so I guess I'll just send it back out somewhere else." And I'm not saying that it completely made me get over rejection. I, in fact, just had a rejection yesterday of one that I had been really hoping for. But I don't launch into the corner and cry and hide in a dark room for several hours like I used to when I would get a rejection.
Jennia: Well, that's definitely some growth, then.
Finnian: Exactly. (both laugh)
Jennia: I think that is one thing too, especially with talking about self-care. And that is just going to be this ongoing thing no matter where you are in the process, because you're going to have the writing part, the difficulties you might encounter with plotting or your structure or any other issue that might pop up, then the rejections, and then you are going to be published. But now you have this whole other list of deadlines that you have to meet and these other tasks that have been assigned to you, and some of them you might not be comfortable with, but you have to do them anyway. So then how do you deal with all of that also?
Finnian: Yeah, it's so important to just have a plan in place already, to take care of yourself and to kind of also understand that comparison is a form of self-harm.
Jennia: Mmm.
Finnian: You know, I was thinking about Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro is my favorite book. And sometimes when I read it, I start to despair that I'll ever write anything that good. And then I have to remember that I can't compare myself to that author because I'm not that author. We haven't had the same process, and we don't know what's going on in someone else's life. I have a friend who got an agent and then got published by one of the Big Five. And everyone in our little group was like, "Oh, I'm so jealous." And she got this, and then I was talking to her and she says, "I'm so exhausted. I've been put on this book tour," you know, "I had to fly to seven different cities in a week, and I got sick, and I can't be sick, so I have to just go on and pretend I'm not sick." and I thought, no matter what someone else has in their life, there's something going on that you don't know about. And so our best bet is to focus on how we can be better to ourselves.
Jennia: That is so true. So what suggestions do you have then, for someone to come up with this list before any of this happens? Or how can they find those things that best suit them when it comes to self-care?
Finnian: I mean, first of all, I'm just going to harken back to my mom's advice, which is to drink enough water, because chances are if you have a headache and you're grouchy, you probably haven't had enough water, you might need a snack. So basic physical self-care is, I guess, simplistic as it sounds, is actually really important. And so for someone like myself, I have ADHD and clinical depression and anxiety. And so I have all these things kind of working against me to remember to get up and brush my teeth in the morning and get up and make my water. And I actually have a paper checklist of "Drink your water," "Meal times." My wife and I plan meals to make sure that we're eating balanced meals. And then—yeah, self-care is important. Walking is so important. And then for mental health, I just highly recommend having that base of people that you can go to and just say, "I'm not okay right now." Because guaranteed, if you have a writing community, somebody else is also not okay right now. Or they weren't okay last week, but now they are, and this is what they got. I think we all know inside what we need to do to do our self-care, but we forget when we're in the thick of it. And so sometimes it just helps to have someone reminding you.
Jennia: Yeah. That also stresses the importance of, like you said, planning ahead and knowing and, yeah, maybe someone else might benefit from writing it down. It's sort of like when they talk about people who call 911 and then they forget their own address. Yeah, when your brain is overloaded and you feel like you can't make one more decision... Yeah, I think it is sometimes easy to forget even those simple things you know will help you.
Finnian: Exactly. I mean—and sometimes you have to get up from the computer. Sometimes you have a deadline and you're trying to pound out the words and nothing's coming. And if you've tried slogging through and just putting words down and it's not working, get up and go clean the stove, get up and take a shower. Get up and take a walk. Like, whatever you can do to reset, sing a song, dance around your office, and then come back to it and see what changed.
Jennia: One of my authors and I were talking about this, like, seconds before this interview, about how it's usually when we are just doing these mundane, boring tasks that take no brain power at all, and that's when we suddenly have the idea hit us. So for the author, it might be something like, "I finally understand how I can fix this plot hole." And for me, it might finally be something about, "I know why that scene is bothering me, and I know what advice to give the author now." So, yeah, I think there's a lot of truth in that. It's just something about we're forcing our brain to take a break and not keep pushing up against a wall that isn't going to allow any give.
Finnian: Yeah, I think that's really fantastic advice. I'll clean my desk. My desk tends to get piled with books and notes—
Jennia: Oh yeah. (laughs)
Finnian: —and cough drops and napkins and just everything. And so if I'm really in a true block state, I'll get up and clean my desk, complete with getting the spray and wiping it down. And then something about the act of having done something that is for my writing and is for my self-care but wasn't actually writing can often help me reset.
Jennia: I think it also just helps give your brain that little positive boost of, "Look, you're just being productive." You've done something, and you can see what you have accomplished. And so it's almost like you have those neurotransmitters now pulsing away and ready to push you on to the next task. But now this time it's going to be writing-oriented.
Finnian: Yeah, that's a really—I love that idea of the endorphins you get from having done something really productive and being able to look around and see that you've done it.
Jennia: Yeah, let them just have a snowball effect and carry that on over.
Finnian: I love that.
Jennia: Well, for a final tip: do you have any suggestions for writers for recognizing when they need self-care care? Because I think sometimes too, we can get, like you were saying, so in the thick of it or so bogged down that maybe we don't realize we need to take a break. So what are some clues they can look for?
Finnian: I think one of the big ones, and I hear this a lot from my students and the people that I'm coaching, is negative self-talk. So if you're in a place where you're starting to say, "Oh, this is stupid," or "I'm an idiot," or, "I can't do this," it's probably time to take a break and find a way to reframe that. Because I think we would never talk to each other the way we sometimes talk to ourselves. I would literally never—even if you gave me something that was a first draft that you wrote that, I was like, "Boy, this really needs work." I would never say to you, "Wow, this is awful. I can't believe you wrote some—" Never! Never ever would I say that to anyone—
Jennia: (laughs) Me either!
Finnian: —but we'll do it to ourselves. And I find for myself, because I've spent a long lifetime of banishing negative self-talk from myself and trying really hard to reframe anything that I have in my head that comes out, you know, as slamming myself when I can. I'm not perfect at it, but if I feel that coming in, if I'm sitting at my desk thinking, "Oh, Finn, you're so stupid, this is bad," then I know it's just time to get up and go take a walk or take a shower or listen to K.D. Lang's "Hallelujah" on repeat until I feel better or something like that.
Jennia: Yeah. That's such good advice. That is so true. It's alarming how we talk to ourselves. I mean, it really is.
Finnian: It is.
Jennia: That's kind of a depressing note! (both laugh)
Finnian: I know! Should we end on something happy?
Jennia: Yeah, let's lift it up!
Finnian: How about, like, dance breaks? I am a big fan of dance breaks. And if standing is not something that's possible at the time, dancing in your chair. Find your favorite music—The Decemberists "Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect," it's one of my favorites. It's not a good dance song, but I really have been listening to that on repeat lately. But, yeah, dance breaks are a great way to reframe everything. Do something silly, wave your arms around. If you're really crazy, get on a video with a friend and have a dance break together and make fun of each other. (both laugh)
Jennia: Oh fun! Yeah, then you get to socialize too, so it's doubly fun.
Finnian: Exactly.
Jennia: Perfect. I love it.
Jennia: Well, thank you again so much. I really hope that people listen to this and then come up with their own plans so that the writing life just isn't as hard as it is right now.
Finnian: Thank you so much for having me!
Jennia: You're welcome.
Jennia: And that's all for today. Thank you for listening, and please check out the show notes for more information. And then please join me next week as author Kenton Kilgore shares how to create animal characters for the young adult and adult audience. Thank you!