293. How to Write a Second Chance Romance with T.I. Lowe

Bestselling author T.I. Lowe talks all things second chance romance, from establishing the characters, to balancing heavy plotlines with lighthearted moments, to that one aspect she says is most important to focus on.

*CW: Discussions of miscarriage*

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Visit T.I.'s website:
https://www.tilowe.com/

Get a copy of her books:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B00I4Z5GV6

Follow T.I. on her socials:
https://www.instagram.com/tilowe/
https://www.facebook.com/T.I.Lowe/

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Sign up for Jennia and Jennifer Jane Young's webinar here:
jenniferjaneyoung.com/writer

Transcript

Jennia: Hello, I'm Jennia D'Lima. Welcome to Writing and Editing, the author-focused podcast that takes a whole person approach to everything related to both writing and editing Romance readers usually have their own favorite tropes and they love finding books that include them. One of those is the second chance romance, where a romantic connection that was once broken is given, you guessed it, a second chance. T.I. Lowe is a number one international best selling author of 20 published novels. And her latest book, Lowcountry Lost, includes this popular romance trope. This is, "How to Write a Second Chance Romance."

Jennia: I'm so delighted to have you here!

T.I. Lowe: Well, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here too!

Jennia: Great! So you've written a variety of romance that have naturally included a number of tropes. But can you tell us a bit about your newest book and also how it uses this trope?

T.I. Lowe: Well, Lowcountry Lost is about this young couple. They're estranged, they've been divorced for six years. And it was a challenge because, you know, such a good amount of time is between where they divorced and then they reconnect later in life But they've known each other all their life practically. Avalee Elvis and Rowan Murray, and . . . So Lowcountry Lost, Avalee is our girl who wears the tool belt. She's a general contractor. And she's going to go into this ghost town and she's going to completely redo it. I'm all about the fixer upper shows—

Jennia: Mhm.

T.I. Lowe: —And I love anything that's an abandoned place and they redo it. And so with Avalee, she comes in to do this at work and there's investors and they bring in their people too. And lo and behold, her ex husband is one of them. And so she's stuck working with him all this time. So their reconnection is pretty much, you know, enemies. They didn't want to have anything to do with each other. But they had huge loss in their marriage, several losses in their marriage, and it just didn't weather the storm well. So they parted ways, they divorced. And just if you know anything about the fixer upper shows is you have to take something down almost to the studs. You know, you have to take out old plumbing, old electrical work. And in that process, once all that's out, then you start reconstruction. And so Avalee and Rowan, their relationship is going to be pretty much go on this path as well. Avalee's is more of a personal to her. There's things that she has to overcome in order for this relationship to mend its ways. So the readers are going to get to go through watching this entire ghost town be renovated as well as their relationship. So that is the second chance part of this story.

Jennia: What challenges come with writing a couple that already has that sort of history between them? And the tension and the feelings that go with that, versus something like the meet cute?

T.I. Lowe: Yeah, for sure. That was a challenge because, as you said, they know each other so well. And I put the six years between them. And the thing about—you know, they knew each other. They met in like first grade and someone was bullying Rowan. And Avalee's the one that stood up for him. And then the next day, they go back to school and she tells him, "Look, from here on out, you're my best friend." You know, she protected him from the bullies, but then she like, like, okay, bullied him into this friendship, so to speak. But so of course they knew each other really well. But giving them those six years, they're coming up in age together. And so those six years they learned who they are apart, singular, not a couple. And they did a lot of changing and a lot of growing up. And I feel like that helped me with the chemistry and the tension. There was no cheating involved in their separation. There was nothing like that. So I think it was easy for them to overcome the things that tore them apart. More so than say something like that.

Jennia: Yeah, that's another question I had, too, and one that I've seen just other reviewers bring up with other books or that I've felt myself when reading some other second chance romances. How do you make that breakup understandable for that given point in time when it occurred, but that they aren't so hurt that reconciliation becomes impossible or seems impossible?

T.I. Lowe: Yeah, that was a big challenge too. Like, you know, what drove them apart. And I've known people in my life that has not handled devastation and traumatic loss all that well. And they sort of put walls up and isolate themselves. And I've even seen, you know, where the marriage just cannot withstand those storms, as we already said. So I think that helped make it more plausible. It's fiction, so we get to make it all up. But can it happen? It's got to be—

Jennia: Right.

T.I. Lowe: —It's got to sound like it can, right?

Jennia: Exactly! It still has to be believable or relatable, so it's not occurring just for the plot—

T.I. Lowe: Mhm.

Jennia: —But that gets to something else that I think is so important—well, with all romance, but especially with this, where we're already dealing with those past hurts and that's the character growth.

T.I. Lowe: Mhm.

Jennia: So how is that different here as well? Because it's not just the character growing from a wound that they've had in their past where then that person comes in and maybe doesn't fix it so much, but helps them get over it. But now the person that they're reconciling with was the reason they have that wound. So how do you address that?

T.I. Lowe: Well, the communication. You know, they were young when they went their way—their own ways. They were in their 20s. And, you know, the communication wasn't all that well. So there was a lot of things that was left unsaid. I'm sure all of us have—I know I have—when you're faced with tragedy, whether it's losing someone, or loss of a job or, you know, just devastation in your things going on, you go inside your own bubble, so to speak. And you start thinking about what you've gone through. And you're trying to, you know, get through it the best you can. And sometimes we put our blinders up to those that are around us that's going through it as well. And that was one of the cases with Avalee and Rowan. Avalee was just so wrapped up in her own hurt and her own devastation that it did take those six years to realize Rowan went through it too. And so they worked through that as well.

Jennia: I think that's something that Avalee says early on, too, that her go to response is avoidance. And so I think that's a big part of her character arc, too, the growth that you see. It's not—it's maturity, but it's also maturity on a personal level, not just all these other factors in her life And then seeing how—Yeah, that plays into then this.

T.I. Lowe: Mhm.

Jennia: But forgiveness also plays a part. So I wanted to talk about how you incorporated that into your book.

T.I. Lowe: I think that's something we all struggle with on certain levels, don't you think?

Jennia: Oh yes! (laughs)

T.I. Lowe: We've heard it all our life, "You need to forgive and forget." But you don't forget (laughs). I mean, you can try. But my understanding is, or how I view it, is you can forgive, but you need to learn from it. And in order to learn from a situation, you can't forget it, right?

Jennia: Mhm.

T.I. Lowe: So there were situations where Avalee needed to forgive herself. She felt like—you know, she blamed herself for a lot of things. Us as women, when it comes to family and whatnot—I know me as a mother and a wife, I carry a lot of the guilt. Like, if something doesn't work right, well, it was my fault. But it's the whole thing of giving yourself grace, and I think that's something that Avalee had to work through. I think, you know, that's something I have a struggle with. It's not so much forgiving someone else, it's always forgiving myself. And so I explored that too. What about you?

Jennia: That's an important distinction (laughs). I always think of that quote from C.S. Lewis, it's something like, "Forgiveness is such a great concept until we're asked to do it ourselves." And I have it written down in a few places throughout the house so I can just flip through it (laughs). You know—

T.I. Lowe: He has such good quotes.

Jennia: —that little reminder about, "Okay." But yeah, I agree. We don't forget, but it's how we deal with those feelings, and it's how we then act on them versus if we harbor them instead and allow them to fester. Because then that would be the opposite of character growth or personal growth. That would just be stagnation.

T.I. Lowe: True. Very true.

Jennia: So we talked about character arcs and character growth a little bit. But what about side characters and what parts they play in this type of romance?

T.I. Lowe: Oh my goodness. I love side characters! I probably spend as much time on my side characters as I do my main characters.

Jennia: It shows! (laughs) Desmond is fantastic.

T.I. Lowe: Thank you! I have this . . . It's my routine. I know—do you know how many authors you've interviewed? Probably you can't remember by now, but we all have—

Jennia: Over 100, easy (laughs).

T.I. Lowe: —Over 100, for sure. And I bet each one of us has a different process of approaching a story. Even if it's similar, it's still, you know, personal to us.

Jennia: Mhm.

T.I. Lowe: And what mine is, I like to journal about my characters.

Jennia: Oh!

T.I. Lowe: So before I even start the story, I'll, you know—Even my side characters, I want to know their favorite color, I want to know their favorite food, their dislikes, what's bothering them. A lot of it, I never share on the page of a story. But I feel like in order for me to know this character and share them with readers, I like to go through that process. So the side characters—this is a pretty heavy topic. I'm tiptoeing around it because I never know how much to share about a book, but it's about pregnancy loss. It's miscarriage and stillbirth. And so the side characters in this book, which a lot of times my other stories, they bring the comic relief. Way back, in my first novel with Lulu's Cafe, Crowley Mason, the head guy in that one, he said, "If you're not laughing, you're not living." So no matter what storms you're going through, you've got to find somewhere in there to laugh along the way. And so you have this one, this book, an animal is a side character. He's a thieving dog. So he shows up, and he starts stealing things throughout the town. But they finally find out that, he's a dog. They thought it was a, you know, human doing all this. But he loves to hang out in the abandoned chapel—

Jennia: Ohh.

T.I. Lowe: —So they end up naming him Preacher. And so Preacher ends up being a big part of the story. And so these side characters for Avalee and Rowan, so they weren't blessed to have children in their marriage, but they—This whole idea of redefining what family is, and so this is a big theme of the story is found family. And it's not always going to be blood kin. Some of my closest family members are my friends. And so that's a big thing I wanted to highlight in this story.

Jennia: Well, can you just take us through what a typical journal entry might look like when you're journaling one of these characters? Or does it differ as you're progressing through the manuscript and sharpening how you define those people . . . or animals? (laughs).

T.I. Lowe: Yeah. Sometimes it's an interview. I'll do a character interview. And so I'll start with what's your name, your age, gender, hair color, eye color? And then what's your favorite food? Your least favorite? What's your favorite movie? Least favorite movie? And it goes down until the questions become more personal or more—you know, a little bit more in depth. It's like, what's the secret you're hiding?

Jennia: Ahh.

T.I. Lowe: What is something—What would make you happy? And what is preventing you from obtaining that happiness? So sometimes it's that. And it's amazing that so many times, you know, you—I just get so into answering the questions, and it goes from easy to more difficult that all of a sudden this whole plot, or part of the story comes alive in these interviews. But then sometimes it's just a notebook and a piece of paper, and I just start, you know, scribbling away. And like I said, I'll do the characters before I even start the story. Like, you know, chapter one.

Jennia: Ohh, okay! Yes, that was going to actually be another question I had, because I know some romance authors will start with the trope, and then they'll work backwards from there. "Okay, well, how do I approach this then? Which characters and which scenarios would fit within this?" So when you're starting with the characters first, how do you evolve from that? How does the story take shape when you have just the character? Or do you do the journal entries for that character before then?

T.I. Lowe: My stories is always something I want to understand more. It might be a question, or it might be a topic I see. Like, Under the Magnolias was mental illness. It's something I wanted to understand more. So I start with that question.

Jennia: Oh okay.

T.I. Lowe: And then the characters start coming to the table and talking to me, so to speak (laughs). So with Lowcountry Lost, this was a story that was with me for quite some time. I tell people my first pregnancy was easy breezy with my son, except he kept me sick the entire time. And then he decided to take 32 hours of labor to make his appearance. But no health issues. It went so smoothly. But with my daughter, they thought I was miscarrying at one point. And we even went in, and the doctor said, "I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do." But then they did an ultrasound and they found her heartbeat. And, you know, the rest of the story of that is, you know, 18 years later, every time Lydia has a milestone, I think what my life would look like had she not survived.

Jennia: Yeah.

T.I. Lowe: And then, you know, the whole idea of so many parents, they have to say goodbye before they say hello to their children. And so this was . . . This story was me paying respect to those that had to say goodbye before saying hello. I didn't know when I started if this would be a second chance romance. It was not like I sat down and said, "I want to write that." I wanted to write a story of how a woman overcomes those losses. And then along the way, the husband, Rowan, he decided, he's like, "Well, what about me? You know, I lost that too." And I'm like—you know, through my research, a lot of times they talked about how the husband didn't mourn properly because he felt like it was about the wife because she was the mother carrying the child. So just along the way, Rowan started speaking too. I like the natural process of it. I don't want to ever hardcore outline and say, "This is what has to happen." I want the freedom of wherever the story leads me to let it go.

Jennia: Yeah. And so often we do hear that whole thing about, you know, "My characters aren't behaving" because they aren't sticking to that strict outline that the author is really hoping to see what is going to be followed through. Then they obviously have to adapt the storyline a bit, or maybe more than a bit (laughs).

T.I. Lowe: Yeah (laughs). Readers ask, "Well, how do you know where the story is going to go?" And a lot of times I imagine it like a GPS system. You put in your destination you want to end up in that GPS system. But say on the way of the—of the road trip, you see a place you want to stop on the side of the road or, you know, take a detour to go check something else out. As soon as you get back in that vehicle, that GPS system is going to redirect you back to that final destination. So I kind of approach stories that way. I know where I want it a end, but if it wants to veer one way or the other along the way, I'm good with it.

Jennia: That's such an interesting way of looking at it, but it also feels almost like it's giving you permission. You know, you can take this shortcut. It's not that there's this one way and you have to abide by it or else.

T.I. Lowe: That's what I like about it. I started writing when I was 38. I suppressed this whole dream for most of my life because I didn't think it was something I could attain. But once I did, and I gave into it, I'm like, "Look, this is fun. We're going to keep it fun." And so the way to keep it fun is to look at things that way. There's no one way to do it, and one writer to the next, your process, your art, it's okay, you do you and I'll do me, and it's okay that we're a little bit different on the way.

Jennia: Exactly. That's why I think it's also so important to have different authors come on and share their process or share how they do something. Because like you just said, it's not some one size fits all approach.

T.I. Lowe: Mhm.

Jennia: And I just think that really helps support that and it gives, you know, other authors the okay that if this method isn't working for you, fine, go find another method then. It doesn't have to be this way.

T.I. Lowe: Exactly. And you could attest to it or, you know, back me up on it: This writing journey is a learning journey. You never done learning—

Jennia: Oh exactly.

T.I. Lowe: —At least we should have pretty sharp minds, even if we're a little bit cuckoo and in our creative world, but, yeah. Learning, all the time.

Jennia: Well, as long as it pays off to a, you know, an enjoyable manuscript that's done well and doesn't have plot holes, I say go for it (both laugh). So speaking again about this book, how did you keep it from being exposition heavy? Because we obviously have to know a lot about their personal histories and then their history together. But I can see it being very easy to just have, like, this massive info dump of information.

T.I. Lowe: One way I addressed it was the loss of three children was in the past. So it wasn't something that, you know, the reader was going through in the moment with her.

Jennia: Mhm.

T.I. Lowe: She is—They're going to remember it with Rowan and Avalee. And another way I did it, as a reader, don't give me a whole lot of backstory in one dump, just like you said. Because I'm going to skim over it. I don't like it as a reader, so I don't—I try my best not to do it as a writer. I look for organic ways to incorporate the losses. Like, she sees a pregnant woman early in her pregnancy in a grocery store and she's ordering a cake, a gender reveal cake. Avalee notices that she's early in the pregnancy and in her mind she's like, "Don't do it yet. Don't do it yet."

Jennia: Right.

T.I. Lowe: I feel like if it—you have these heavier topics, you have to sprinkle them in organically, and not, like I said, dump it in one shot on a reader. But then it—you have to have light-hearted moments, I feel like, in these stories. So far, people are saying, "You made us laugh one moment and we're crying the next and then we're back laughing again." I'm, like, "Well, I did my job because that's what I want you to do."

Jennia: Yes!

T.I. Lowe: This whole ghost town . . . Avalee does fun things all throughout this town. One is she has a dance party in the library. I mean, you'll never have a dance party in the library. She has a picnic on the courthouse steps. Just little things like that. So that—I think that lightened it up.

Jennia: Oh I completely agree. And just on a personal note, I also love that idea of taking something that's been old and abandoned and then making it fresh. Or seeing what you can get when you are done with this project and what it looks like, you know, now that it's new. And it's just so exhilarating seeing something that just looks like this scrap of garbage sometimes and then you have this beautiful finished piece at the end. But yeah, that she gets to do with a whole town.

T.I. Lowe: Yeah. It was quite fun. It was a challenge, too, like, keeping all the buildings straight (Jennia laughs). I'm creative and I'm crafty, but I cannot actually draw something. So I had, like, the whole town mapped out with little lines and little squares—

Jennia: Ohh, wow!

T.I. Lowe: —It was very, um, terrible. But my editor, she came to me, she says, "Tonya, I really think we need a map to put in the book." I'm, like, "Well, I can't draw it." But they agreed and they let my daughter, my 18-year-old daughter, draw it—

Jennia: Oh nice!

T.I. Lowe: —And she—Lydia's very talented. So I was pretty excited to have her to be a part of it. Especially since she was the one that inspired this story 18 years ago through my experience of almost losing her.

Jennia: That's a very full circle feeling.

T.I. Lowe: Very much so. So it was quite a blessing to have her as a part of this story.

Jennia: Do you think there are any common mistakes that authors sometimes make when they're writing a second chance romance?

T.I. Lowe: Now that's a question! I try not to say any writer makes a mistake, so—because their creativity, the world that they're building is different than mine. And so . . . You have to find that tension because I think that's one of the funner parts of a story with romances. That tension between them. To me it's, like, that's funner than the kiss, right? The kiss—the first kiss after they—

Jennia: With all that lead up, yes!

T.I. Lowe: Yeah. The lead up. So fun. So I feel like you really need to take the time to have that build up. There's got to be conflicts, there's got to be, you know, some flirting. Why not? So it's fun to have them flirting one minute and then bickering the next. Things are—you know, they're getting too close or, you know, they—so they start putting distance. There's one of the first scenes, it's chapter two and three, where Avalee sees Rowan for the first time in six years. And so she goes and hides in the clock tower. And she said, you know, it didn't get past her that she was ghosting in the ghost town. So . . .

Jennia: Yes! (both laugh).

T.I. Lowe: The tension for sure. Pay attention there, I think.

Jennia: That's a good one. Well, do you have any last tips that we haven't covered?

T.I. Lowe: I will say, from my writing experience . . . So as you can tell, I'm pretty darn Southern, right? Little town—

Jennia: I never would have guessed (laughs).

T.I. Lowe: —You'd never guess right?

Jennia: No, not at all.

T.I. Lowe: [Little town] in South Carolina. And so when I write, there's twang in it. There's going to be "ain't" and "y'all" and stuff like that. So when my publisher wanted to sign contracts—in 2018 I signed with a publishing house—they said, "Before we sign, what is your—Do you have any concerns?" And I said, "Well, my only one is, are you going to change my voice?"

Jennia: Ahh, right.

T.I. Lowe: —Because it's—you know, my voice is very personal, and I don't feel like I could be authentic without it. And they said, "No. Your voice is why you're here." So I encourage writers, find your voice and stick to it. Don't let what you feel like the market wants you to sound like—

Jennia: Mhm.

T.I. Lowe: —Just be your yourself and let it come through. And I think that authenticity resonates with readers. They want that. They don't want you to sound like every other story out there.

Jennia: Oh, exactly. Completely agree. Because then what's the point of you signing versus one of these other thousands of people who have sent in their query letter.

T.I. Lowe: Yes. Mhm.

Jennia: Right, well, thank you again!

T.I. Lowe: Well, thank you for having me! This was fun.

Jennia: Yeah, I agree! (laughs)

Jennia: Thank you for listening, and be sure to check out the show notes for additional information! And then please join me next week when author and podcast host Richie Billing joins us. And he'll be sharing his experiences with book tours, and whether or not he thought they were worth it. And if you enjoyed today's episode, I'd appreciate it if you could rate a review on your favorite listening platform!

Jennia: We also have a special announcement this week, and that is that I will be co-leading an upcoming webinar with previous guest Jennifer Jane Young. We're going to be talking about how to unleash the writer within, and using intuition as your creative guide. So if you are feeling stuck in your writing, maybe you're struggling to find the right words, or maybe you have something else in you that's telling you no and you should be saying yes to your writing, this is going to be a webinar for you. And it is free, so there is that! And we are going to be looking at how to trust and follow your intuition. We're going to be using guided exercises, talking about how to silence your inner critic. And how to overcome writer's block. You can find out how to register for this, and the date and time, which is November 19th, at jenniferjaneyoung.com/writer. I hope to see you there! Thank you!